See You By The Coconut Tree

See you by the Coconut Tree.

A bed we once shared, all intimacy, my first love. The first man I ever laid in bed with, wow did that feel beautiful. I wanted someone I couldn’t trust cheating didn’t help your cause.

Kind of hard not loving you after 8yrs, 8yrs of love, passion, insecurities, faithfulness, unfaithfulness.. all of that is what made us.

I asked myself if the pain I felt was love or the inability to let go. I realized last year that It was the inability to let go. Such a pretty picture we painted but a highlight here and a dark spot there, changes the piece completely. I loved you to the moon and…

Being trapped by this new fragrance that made me feel so good at one time.

Was it all excitement? Where did all these butterflies come from?

I was excited because for once in my life at 20yrs I expressed my love for another man! I was free!

Love is just a tool to let us know who we are.

Love is disgusting, love is a ball full of shit, love is a ball full of frustration, love is a ball full of love….. or so I thought it was..

Love is not what you say, it’s what you do.

I had my happiest moments with you, my lowest moments… everything!

Bed is where we shared many intimate moments.

You told me you loved me at 2 months while I was sleeping…

I pretended to be asleep but still I accepted it!

The reason I brought in a Coconuts was because you promised me Hawaii…

I loved you so much that I brought up the idea to dream with you. Dream about you while I slept because I didn’t want to miss any chance with you! You were my first…. First….. first…. first…. MY FIRST NALGA!!

I feel like we went to all corners of the earth and I couldn’t continue with you anymore. I had every thought imaginable of how I thought our equation would work,

I felt so numb to you for 8yrs, How did you expect me to feel after being lied to? You cheating was the hardest thing imaginable. Love is not what you say, it’s what you do.

I’ve learned that I can still love people and simultaneously not allow you to harm me. I realized I became a monster to you in front of people that I loved… friends & family. I decided I no longer wanted to be that person.

Clouds become so blurry, time has past

I hope that I at least remind you of how much I loved you but also how much this hurt.

A Looney Æffect

Title: A Looney Æffect – Medium: Pencil on Paper – Year: 2018 – Artist: Eduardo Montalvo

A Looney Æffect

This is for you but this is mainly for me. Look at us now, time has passed and memories that were so near are now quite distant. A “Heya!” From swiping right to magnets on your fridge being swiped left not leaving any room, I hope you still have Oregon. Time’s ticking and times not slowing down for any of us, was it all persistent? Was I an equivalent to your test of an Assay A280 or was it an A280 that you didn’t realize was locked and loaded aiming straight at me? Scientists make mistakes to but….
Did I forget to read the label? Or was every key note you hit a distraction to keep me going? I never realized your piano had 3 hooks, 1 for the moment I met you, 2 for letting my guard down & 3 for…. well fuck 3…
Damn did it sound beautiful!
Night by Ludovico sounded so good on our way to Oregon. The sound tells a story, a story of a time we travelled in a car for 16 hours because we were so excited to adventure out and……
The Solar Eclipse was a beautiful site, I never would have imagined I’d get to experience totality. Coffee was once something I hated but a taste of it with you changed my mind. You know the story of why I hated it.. Maybe this time around I’ll be able to see past the clouds… it’s kind of scary because something as beautiful as a cloud blocks me from being able to see what’s next. All I hear is a wolf at a distance and here I am with no Wolfpack.
I was scared to talk about you but an alphabet like Braille lead me right to this piece. Cubes that allow me to scream your name as loud as I can because I can’t personally do it.. Blind leading the blind because two broken hearts couldn’t be pieced together. Sometimes being blind is fine if all you want is nothing at all.
Cubes that are now flashbacks, energy passing through time, blocks inserting the piano and being shot out to tell a story. You played that piano and you played me very well.
You told me to reach out to you once I got to season 3 episode 9…. Well I think I reached it and I’m reaching out now. I only watched it because I wanted a connection to you. How can something so beautiful make me feel so entrapped? Here I am fully naked in a vulnerable state spilling my guts out & u could give Two Fuc…….
sitting down wondering why I feel so vulnerable to the charming sounds that you play. Spark the fire, spark the fire, please re-spark that fire… we reached a streak of 78. I blew the candle out and immediately became blind again. No more wine and art, no more listening to prank calls, no more soft touches, no more.. no more.. no more Looney Æffect. You tried to re-spark that fire and I decided to let it…
I guess the sweet ain’t as sweet without the bitter, they say waves don’t die but yet this art piece is at a standstill. Why are these waves so concrete, concrete with tiles. Why do the cracks of that broken tile spell out “LIE…”
Something so black & white wasn’t so black &..

A Looney Æffect Watermark.jpg